this isn’t ‘the middle’ it’s something new

i’ve been on both sides. i’ve desperately tried to convince the people I love to do the “obvious right thing” from both ends of the spectrum.

the furthest right.

the furthest left.

on one side i felt bold – encouraged even. i believed that even if there wasn’t a immediate benefit there would be an eternal one if i just advocated boldly enough at any cost.

on the other side i felt like i was screaming into a void. like asking people to witness the humanity of others wasn’t working – so maybe outsmarting, shaming and reasoning would work.

neither did, on either side.

thankfully, i ran into something new. not actually – new… but it felt new.

what if we were never supposed to pick a side?

What if we were meant to slow down and ask better questions?

i get it. human beings prefer moral absolutes¹ ambiguity is threatening to our identity² and also certainty is so so nice – but we live in a complex world.

i just wanted to be a good person.

to make wise decisions and leave the world better than i found it.

so many voices have claimed to know exactly how to do that. but the paths often contradict each other in deeply unsettling ways.

then there’s the middle, which sometimes sounds like “i will do what is best for me and ignore the rest.” i don’t want that either!

do you remember 90’s tv?

i would come home from school everyday and watch meaningful stories about compassion, empathy, friendship and character. it felt like magic when my favorite character would fess up, admit that they were wrong and get both the life lesson and a pat on the head for being the better bigger person.

in real life, it doesn’t feel that way. there’s not always a sweet ending and definitely not a commercial break to ease the tension. but it’s still important, and what if it’s still magic?

what if there’s a fourth space?

not the left.
not the right.
not the middle.

but something softer, slower, wiser…sacred.
a space where we’re allowed to become.
where there’s still room to grow.

we are all becoming and there is still room to grow here.

this space is

humble

curious

committed

gracious

and liberating – it’s own kind of magic.

not because it absolves us of responsibility or accountability

but because it gives us the freedom to say, “oh – i didn’t know”.

so, this is an invitation for those of us who are becoming without having to arrive. let’s learn together, listen more, reflect, unpack – and still be a lil goofy together.

not just in the middle, but somewhere far better.

-j

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1. Haidt, J. (2012). The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion. Pantheon.
2. Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1979). “An integrative theory of intergroup conflict.” In The social psychology of intergroup relations (pp. 33–47).